my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
