now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i will never coherently bang her
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
