Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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