If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
