I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
