forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
