the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
