I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
