I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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