I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
