4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
