I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
