If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
