I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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