Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
