Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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