if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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