Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
