you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
