Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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