I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
