i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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