Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
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The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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