Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
