Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
