I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What did we do last night that was yellow?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
