im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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