i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
