Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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