I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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