My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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