Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
