My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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