So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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