if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i've created a new STD.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
