they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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