You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
