No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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