i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
