I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
A bitchslap is in order.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
