Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
