Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
