I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
