Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
