He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
