Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
