My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
