Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
