This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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