This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
