If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
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I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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