I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Let's get the cat blown out
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
