I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
