So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
