Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
