Im at strip club and am horny
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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