i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
