I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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