the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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