Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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