So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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