the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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