All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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