So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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