Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
