Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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