So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
