I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
