dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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