I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
