It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
