So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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