what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
