I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
